36 weeks of growing you.

This might be my last ‘growing you post’ because in a day or two we will know (hopefully) when you’ll arrive and how. I am excited, terrified, anxious, and desperate for you to be here with us, healthy and safe in my arms. We made it this far and we fought back hard, and whenContinue reading “36 weeks of growing you.”

35 weeks of growing you

It was going much better until your dad and I went out the weekend and it threw me into a flare up. Again. We were only out for 2 hours. So whilst Saturday was a good day Sunday was not. You know that sleep is evading me, I know you know, because you’re awake withContinue reading “35 weeks of growing you”

34 weeks of growing you

Well what can I say, the change in me has been so good this week. Though it’s not remained plain sailing on the medical front. Last week I was called several times by the consultant and I felt reassured re the likelihood of a cesarian. Because of my fibromyalgia I don’t recover well from, wellContinue reading “34 weeks of growing you”

33 weeks of growing you

17 weeks of not being able to walk, using a makeshift commode for the many wee stops I need in between the kitchen and the lounge, but not being able to make it up the stairs. Weeks in bed, watching the room spin and change only with the fall of day and night, has beenContinue reading “33 weeks of growing you”

32 weeks of growing you

TW: Perinatal anxiety & depressive thoughts. Too many tears. Too many days in bed. I’m done now. I have nothing left. Except I’m not allowed to be done, because there is more time left, there is more to do, there are more weeks you must stay inside of me to keep you safe, and despiteContinue reading “32 weeks of growing you”

Pregnancy Timeline

I use writing tools a lot to make sense of feelings, I always find it gives me clarity and as I’ve had very little actual support for my mental health this pregnancy, despite being under the perinatal mental health team, covid restrictions have played a huge part and the fact I can’t attend groups becauseContinue reading “Pregnancy Timeline”

31 Weeks of growing you.

I’m tired. Tired of explaining why things are so hard. Tired of feeling stuck on a loop. Tired of the unknown. Tired of my body failing us. Tired of pain. I’m just so fucking tired. I’m irritable, I’m fed up of people saying stupid shit to me, shit they don’t of course even know, isContinue reading “31 Weeks of growing you.”

30 weeks of growing you

With each week my mobility decreases, yours increases. You are kicking those feet like your life depends on it whilst my vagina feels (and looks) like a punched lasagne. (I hope you grow up with a sense of humour because if I stop making jokes I will die) Thirty weeks of uncertainty and stormy waters.Continue reading “30 weeks of growing you”

29 Weeks of growing you

Every time I change position now I am reminded that I cannot move. Every time I am left alone with your sister I am frightened, because I don’t feel like I can care for her properly anymore. It’s scary, it’s upsetting and I wonder how I will ever care for you. The loss of powerContinue reading “29 Weeks of growing you”

Third trimester

You made it. You’re on the homestretch now. Is the baby ok…..? When I was pregnant with my daughter I had chronic migraine from the minute I found out I was expecting. I was diagnosed with SPD at 16 weeks unable to walk and that was extremely painful. I soon became very depressed and riddenContinue reading “Third trimester”