Reasons not to have a second kid….

Huffing spectacularly in a bid for attention, my five year old turns up the volume on whichever device she’s glued to, whilst readjusting her headphones. Meanwhile the baby, who has just turned two months old, screams as though someone is pouring boiling water on his fluffy brown head (I can confirm this was definitely notContinue reading “Reasons not to have a second kid….”

36 weeks of growing you.

This might be my last ‘growing you post’ because in a day or two we will know (hopefully) when you’ll arrive and how. I am excited, terrified, anxious, and desperate for you to be here with us, healthy and safe in my arms. We made it this far and we fought back hard, and whenContinue reading “36 weeks of growing you.”

32 weeks of growing you

TW: Perinatal anxiety & depressive thoughts. Too many tears. Too many days in bed. I’m done now. I have nothing left. Except I’m not allowed to be done, because there is more time left, there is more to do, there are more weeks you must stay inside of me to keep you safe, and despiteContinue reading “32 weeks of growing you”

31 Weeks of growing you.

I’m tired. Tired of explaining why things are so hard. Tired of feeling stuck on a loop. Tired of the unknown. Tired of my body failing us. Tired of pain. I’m just so fucking tired. I’m irritable, I’m fed up of people saying stupid shit to me, shit they don’t of course even know, isContinue reading “31 Weeks of growing you.”

30 weeks of growing you

With each week my mobility decreases, yours increases. You are kicking those feet like your life depends on it whilst my vagina feels (and looks) like a punched lasagne. (I hope you grow up with a sense of humour because if I stop making jokes I will die) Thirty weeks of uncertainty and stormy waters.Continue reading “30 weeks of growing you”

27 weeks of growing you.

It’s been a long one, one full of apprehension, appointments, medication, embarrassment, but smiles too. Last week I had a recurring shingles infection outbreak, it meant I had to go back on antiviral medication and it was painful. During this time we had to see a midwife for a routine appointment and because I canContinue reading “27 weeks of growing you.”

Week 24 of growing you

This week started off better. I felt like I was relaxing, thinking about taking my maternity leave early and making decisions that are best for us. Then the anxiety kicked in. I can’t do this. I’m getting bigger and life is getting harder again. I’m lonely but I don’t want to see people. I don’tContinue reading “Week 24 of growing you”

Week 22 of pregnancy, carrying you, baby #2

We didn’t know what you’d be. We weren’t sure you’d show up on a scan as healthy. Our twenty week scan was nearly two weeks late and it made us impatient and anxious. We still don’t know what the outcome will be or if you’re truly ok in there. All we know is that you’reContinue reading “Week 22 of pregnancy, carrying you, baby #2”