Three Books About Love You Need in Your Life.

February 14, 2023 — Leave a comment

I’m writing this under a Valentines Day guise, but the truth is I’ve spent all day crying hormonal tears and really, I just wanted an excuse to write about these books of which all have a common theme – love. And while it’s true that love is the common denominator here, each novel takes a unique and exploratory look into different kinds of love. From forced together love that grows from dust, lost love, love for pets, love for hobbies, and of course – all consuming, romantic love. Each story gave me a different take on love, set the hairs at the back of my neck on end and left me deep in my thoughts for days after.

Spoiler Alert! TW: Book includes discussions on dysfunctional familial relationships. Addiction, Sexual assault and childhood illness.

Ok, so the above spoilers don’t read as though this is a book about love, but I can assure you, it is. First up is author of Brick Lane Monica Ali’s Love Marriage. Sorry to be the bearer of ills but- if you’re expecting this to be a romantic fairytale of the perfect love marriage tableau, I’m afraid to say you’re going to be disappointed. Instead what this book offers goes much, much deeper.

Love Marriage follows the lives of interracial couple Yasmin and Joe. Yasmin is a twenty four year old junior doctor. She’s engaged to be married to Joe but is still living at home with her Indian parents and brother Arif. Joe, a first year resident gynaecologist also lives at home with his mother, writer and activist Harriet Sangster. Yasmin believes she and Joe are destined for happy ever after. She’s so glad she decided to choose her own fate in a Love Marriage, not dissimilar to that of her own parents. That is until she realises her parents are hiding untold secrets of their own that will shatter her world as she knows it.

Meanwhile Joe is in therapy for sex addiction, Arif is about to have a baby with a white woman out of wedlock, and Yasmin finds comfort in forbidden places as she embarks on a journey of confronting self discovery.

This book is pure soul food! Enlightening, believable and raw. Ali writes with such passion Love Marriage will have you crying with laughter, sadness and a visceral joy. The meaning of life is wrapped up in these pages. An intelligent and addictive take on love in all relationships. Power dynamics are explored, feelings analysed and loyalty tested to its absolute limit – if you start reading it now, I guarantee you’ll be cancelling Valentine’s Day plans in favour of turning pages!

Spoiler Alert! Contains reference to suicide, grief, poor mental health and marriage breakdown.

The Queen of contemporary fiction does it again! Back with a bang and purr. The thing I love the most about a Dawn O’Porter book is the storylines never read the same. There’s no same same but different with a DOP novel. Each one is it’s own unique reading experience.

Married stepmother Mia’s life is a lie. Sure, on the outside it looks as though she has it all but deep down she’s falling apart, like the rest of us. Grief is what leads Mia to the group of bereaved pet owners, but it isn’t grief for a pet. It’s a tangible grief for a life lost, a marriage in pieces and a longing for her dead mother. It’s loneliness and a love of cats.

Dawn O’Porter’s ability to write two sides of a personality is my opinion unrivalled. You’re lured into a false sense of hero worshipping only to be plunged into reality when the antagonist reveals their exponential flaws. Mia’s journey is a brutally honest reminder that everyone makes mistakes, none of us are perfect and a cat is never just a cat. This is a tale of self love, unexplainable love and love that is truly unconditional. It’ll make you laugh and cry in the same paragraph, a real pleasure. Despite some hard hitting topics Cat Lady is written with humour and sensitivity, an easy book to devour.

Spoiler Alert! Nothing too triggering in this one, but references to sex and grief are present.

After I do came back with a republish in January this year and it was a long anticipated wait for me. I’d read a sample from the previous edition and then found myself not able to download the whole book. However, I can say it was very much worth the wait. Is it even a romance novel if TJR didn’t write it?

Lauren and Ryan have had enough. One can barely tolerate being in the room with the other. It gets so bad that they lose themselves in the monotony and the sniping. They decide to walk away, end their marriage and start over – but only for a year.

It’s the ultimate test and a little unbelievable, though isn’t that exactly what we ask for in a love story? Modern The Notebook vibes, California sunshine and all heart. This book had me relating so hard I was ready to file for divorce, until I got to the end. I felt every word and the pages were full of authenticity and magic. I love every single one of Taylor’s books, but this one will keep a special place in my heart.

You can thank me for these jewels later. Get the tissues ready, you’ll need them. Be prepared to absorb yourself in each story, clear your schedules, read at every opportunity and enjoy! 📚

Stream it ~ Review

August 15, 2022 — Leave a comment

I’ve watched a few series over the last few months that I’m desperate to talk (or in this case, write) about. Knowing me as you do, for those of you that have been reading DIVAMUM for a while, you’ll know my interest in TV piques and wanes often. My mum asks me every other day ‘did you watch XYZ last night?’ And I’m there like, ‘No mum, you know I don’t watch much TV’ and the reason is not because I don’t love TV, I do! The reason, is because my kids are shit at going to bed and I live with chronic fatigue, and a brain fogged mind that refuses to concentrate on anything. Oh, and also because I’ve been watching Love Island only, for the last however many weeks and falling to sleep immediately after.

Since that ended though, I’ve had to fill the pockets of time I do get with short, sweet and easy, but still interesting (otherwise I really won’t concentrate on it) watches. So what have I been watching? The below paragraphs are, in no particular order.

Everything I know About Love. 5⭐️

Dolly Alderton’s best selling memoir of the same name has been transformed and semi fictionalised for TV and I could not wait to review it.

Full disclosure: I haven’t read the book! I’m aware of the opinion of many bookish bloggers who claim not reading the book before watching a TV adaptation is sacrilegious, but I have to say I’m partial to doing it backwards. A bit like the way I love kindle and don’t obsess over or miss turning ‘real pages’ or reading with a light on. Call me a fraud if you will, but here we are. Everything I Know About Love is, in my opinion an epic watch.

Maggie (played by Emma Appleton) is a post grad, twenty four year old fresh out of uni in the early noughties and looking for excitement. She moves into her first flat with best friend Birdie (Bel Powley) along with two friends from uni, Nell and Amarah in London’s borough of Camden. The episodes are full of exactly what you’d expect… love, but not always or specifically in its conventional romantic sense. Maggie dates many men, has the craziest of nights out, frantically searches for work and her soul, eventually finding both. It’s a beautiful depiction full of warm nostalgia for halcyon days and hedonistic nights. I downloaded the book as soon as I finished watching, but I’m still yet to get past the first chapter. I’m desperately hoping they’ll be another series of this though as Maggie’s story is far from over when the closing credits roll.

Breeders. 5⭐️

If you’re a tired parent prone to dropping the f-bomb, full of parental guilt and rage…. This is for you. A darkly comedic show that shows that side of parenting the majority of instagram’s parental users are trying to shield us from. The bottom line…. It’s fucking hard. Paul (Martin Freeman) and Ally (the wonderful Daisy Haggard) are parents to Luke and Ava whom you see grow from toddler to teens in S 1-3. The show depicts the trials and tribulations of the working parent. Mental health, marriage and menopause also feature, with S3 showing Daisy’s Ally in bits due to the national HRT shortage. A brilliantly executed storyline. Fans of Friday Night Dinner and Motherland will appreciate. For me this show is everything being a parent is, it’s fear, confusion, guilt and an abundance of love, with laughter thrown in for good measure. NB: It’s quick witted and close to the mark, not for the easily offended.

Mood. 3.5⭐️

Written by and starring Nicôle Lecky, Mood follows the life of Sasha Clay. Sasha is a twenty five year old wannabe singer recently dumped by her boyfriend Anton (Jordan Duvigneau) and kicked out of home by her parents, Sasha finds herself shit out of luck with nowhere to go, before she’s taken under the wings of ‘influencer’ and sex worker Carly Visions. Sasha’s life turns around in an instant but is it for the better? A dark and interesting look at social media and the age of the influencer. Mood also features a soundtrack written and debuted by Lecky. Eye opening if a little exaggerated in parts, Mood is wholly unique with nothing else quite like it on TV.

You Don’t Know Me. 4⭐️

I liked this show a lot, and the only reason I didn’t give it the full 5⭐️ is because I found it got a little drawn out and hard to follow somewhere in the middle. That being said Samuel Adewunmi who plays main character Hero sold it for me. The show follows Hero’s life and his current trial for the murder of gang member Jamil Issa. I found Hero a likeable character and I loved how the drama flits between present day courtroom and previous events, delving into gang culture and doing the right thing. I’ve read a lot of naff reviews based on the ending but I have to say, I disagree with them. The show is though provoking and the ending gets that thought process going. I thought about this drama long after I finished watching it. If you want something to pass the time before the next series of Top Boy drops; this might be for you.

Have you watched any of these? As ever, leave me a comment or get in touch to let me know what you thought about any of the shows listed in this review.

Happy Netflix and Chill.

Married a year, plenty of tiers

December 28, 2020 — 2 Comments

Married a year, plenty of tears and even more tiers.

It’s whole year since I wrote about getting married. One whole year since I woke up in a suite bigger than my house, in my favourite city next to the man I now call my husband.

So how’s it going? Marriage. What does it really mean? In all honestly I’m not sure I even know. It’s not what I expected, but I’m not sure what I did expect. Ok I know I’m going round the houses here, but I honestly feel a bit flat.

I love having the same name as my family, I love my husband and I loved our wedding but as far as actual marriage goes it’s been pretty unremarkable.

There was of course the initial wedding hangover, those really do suck. Wedding blues are real. All that planning, and all that pressure for one or in our case two, days.

There’s also the reality that people let you down with weddings. I came away from our wedding party after all the preparation wondering why people behaved the way they did, or why they didn’t bother showing up at all on what was essentially the biggest day of our lives. Of course some people have genuine reasons and I’m a renowned plan canceller myself, so I don’t hold grudges, but it’s definitely one of those things that whittles out the people who aren’t on you’re team, and in hindsight that’s ok. It just took a while to get to grips with.

Then you have the politics of merging families and friendships. You might have gotten away with avoiding most of the people you don’t like up till that point, but a wedding brings everyone together. It’s one of the reasons we got married on our own, so it could just be about us without having to worry about offending someone, people seem to get really offended about weddings that aren’t their own!

There has been no honeymoon period (or honeymoon) because Covid literally started for us as soon as we got back from Ireland. Shaun thinks he had it upon our return, he was in bed for two weeks with a fever and he couldn’t breathe, at the time he was diagnosed with a chest infection, he’s asthmatic so that’s not unusual in winter, but it didn’t respond to antibiotics and he lost his sense of taste for months after. Then after our wedding party in the uk we literally went into lockdown weeks later.

On the plus side, I know we were unbelievably lucky to get married in 2020 at all! With so many having their big days cancelled, and for that I am so grateful. We really did have the best wedding day ever and on a reasonably acceptable budget too.

There was a time, not too long ago where I didn’t foresee a wedding in my future. Yet at the age of thirty one I married my best friend and our dreams and plans of honeymoons and married life went kaput with the rest of the world, and whilst our celebration feels all too soon forgotten, we have memories to last a lifetime.

According to statistics printed in Bride magazine the first year is the hardest and I’m only a year in, but I’m inclined to agree. Apparently this is down to the stresses of modern living, the come down from the wedding and combining finances. But Shaun & I have lived together for six years so I’m not sure all of those are applicable to us. Maybe it is just the effects of covid, or maybe it’s that relationships are hard, and after the whirlwind of weddings and babies comes the real work! Like the realisation you have to put up with snoring for the rest of your lives, or that picking up dog shit in the garden is a way to earn brownie points.

In recent instagram polls I asked the following questions.

1. Is the first year the hardest? 24% voted yes whilst the other 76% voted no.

2. Marriage feels no different from before? 81% voted that this statement is true, marriage feels no different to before.

3. Wedding comedowns are the worst. 85% voted for yes, and 15% voted no, not sure of its relevance but most of the people that voted no, were male.

4. Has lockdown negatively impacted your marriage? Surprisingly for a long while the vote was overwhelmingly, no. But eventually finished on 42% voting yes, lockdown has in some way negatively impacted their marriage.

When I asked that final question, I had an influx of messages about how people were finding their spouse’s overwhelmingly irritating, but they by no means were filing for divorce. I think this is what resonated with me. This last year Shaun and I have probably argued more, spent less quality time together and just generally pissed each other off more than ever before. However we’ve also been there for each other and so despite feeling like I want to kick him in the dick, I’m still very much grateful that I have him to lean on. I definitely don’t regret getting married.

Usually we’d spend our anniversary weekend, which is also my husband’s birthday, in Ireland. But with Lockdown that’s not possible. Instead I’ve been frantically Pinteresting date nights at home and first anniversary present ideas. When all I really feel like doing is hiding under the covers covering up that 2020 Xmas and New Year bulge. I’m also pregnant now so there won’t even be any champagne or Guinness!

Despite all of this, I know with a full heart we are lucky to have each other and the fact we’ve survived this year at all is a blessing, the fact we survived it together was dedication.

Married AF

January 26, 2020 — 1 Comment

So, a week ago, I did it. I gave up my maiden name, the one that’s always been the same as my Mum and Sister.

The one that’s seen me through years of happiness and heartache. I could of kept it, of course I could, but I wanted the same name as my daughter and if we’re being honest, I like how it sounds. I feel like I outgrew Steph Skelton a long time ago (if you know me, you’d get this) but it was the only name I had, so I was stuck with it.

Anyway – I’ve decided to write a bit about the wedding, why we decided to go away on our own and do it in private without an audience, and whether I feel like it was the right decision.

When we actually decided to go ahead and get married, not when we got engaged, but when we agreed to tie the actual knot, we decided we couldn’t be bothered to try and please anyone.

We didn’t want to invite people for the sake of it. We didn’t want to spend money we didn’t have (later we found out it’s impossible not to) We didn’t want to feel obliged to invite people we didn’t like, and most importantly, we wanted to make it solely about us. I was met with bouts of criticism over my decision. People told me I’d regret it, people couldn’t believe we weren’t taking our daughter, but the opinions we really cared about on a whole were positive.

Some of my friends have said they wished they kept their own weddings small, most of them supported our decision to do it exactly how we wanted.

So, do I think it was the right decision? ABSOLUTELY! One hundred percent, the best decision I have ever made. It was THE best day EVER. The ceremony wasn’t drawn out, but it was heartfelt. We had each written our own vows and they turned out to be almost identical. Cute eh? It was lush. Our only two witnesses were the photographer and his wife and they both cried, even tho they hadn’t met us before that day.

Love literally powered the day, as well as laughter.

I have so many funny stories, but because we are having a party in 2 weeks I’m trying to save them for that. I promise to come back to the details.

We walked the streets of Dublin in full wedding attire with a photographer in tow and a pint of Guinness never far from hand. It was magical. We chose Dublin because it was one of the first places we visited together and now we return every year on Shaun’s birthday. The people of Ireland are naturally, much friendlier than us Brits, and we didn’t buy our own drinks all night!

Suffice to to say we were drunk, and Saturday was spent in our suite all day with 3 lots of room service.

I can’t wait to celebrate with our family and friends but I’m glad the ceremony was just for us. It’s a time only we will be able to reminisce about, and one that nobody was able to dampen or disturb. I don’t mean that in a derogatory way, I just mean we got to concentrate on the people whose day it was, ours.

I don’t regret not taking our daughter, she will be at the party which she is classing as the ‘proper wedding’ and one day I hope she will find it romantic that her mum & dad we’re so in love they wanted to do it their way. So no, I don’t regret our elopement (it wasn’t a secret) one bit. I am looking forward to seeing everyone and doing the traditional parts of the wedding like speeches, cake cutting and a proper first dance.

I also feel like getting married has recovered some of the confidence I had recently lost. I’m overweight, and I’ve been battling with it for some time.

However, that day, I felt sexy, I felt beautiful and even looking back at pics in my undies with my gunt squeezed into Spanx before I got dressed (see attached) I feel content.

Shaun looked handsome AF. We laughed so much and it’s a bubble that I wish I could lock myself inside forever.

I made no secret of the fact I was worried about getting married. Cold feet if you like. I wanted Shaun to want to marry me, but the closer it got to the big day I wasn’t sure I was ready. It felt final somehow, and I was unsettled. I didn’t want to get married unless it was a fairytale, but life ain’t a fairytale is it?

That said, I think it’s the closest I’ll ever get to being rescued on a white horse. (Even if we had a chauffeur that talked non stop about his divorce) 🤣

I will cherish these memories for a lifetime and I will try and hold them close in future when Im feeling stabby.

PS: If you follow me on socials, photos are sure to spam your life, both wedding & wedding party ones are very much still to come. Getting married and feeling content has taught me to care a lot less about what other people think and spend more time caring about what I think about myself, and right now, I’m happy with me.

Diva Mum

Deeply personal & littered with profanity.

love