Reasons not to have a second kid….

Huffing spectacularly in a bid for attention, my five year old turns up the volume on whichever device she’s glued to, whilst readjusting her headphones. Meanwhile the baby, who has just turned two months old, screams as though someone is pouring boiling water on his fluffy brown head (I can confirm this was definitely notContinue reading “Reasons not to have a second kid….”

54 Days postpartum

23.08.21 My daughter was on her way to bed last night when out of nowhere panic hit me full force. My son, lying in the crook of my arm, suddenly started to spit milk out from the sides of his slow flow teat, and I realised, the hand that was holding his bottle was shaking.Continue reading “54 Days postpartum”

32 weeks of growing you

TW: Perinatal anxiety & depressive thoughts. Too many tears. Too many days in bed. I’m done now. I have nothing left. Except I’m not allowed to be done, because there is more time left, there is more to do, there are more weeks you must stay inside of me to keep you safe, and despiteContinue reading “32 weeks of growing you”

Pregnancy Timeline

I use writing tools a lot to make sense of feelings, I always find it gives me clarity and as I’ve had very little actual support for my mental health this pregnancy, despite being under the perinatal mental health team, covid restrictions have played a huge part and the fact I can’t attend groups becauseContinue reading “Pregnancy Timeline”

31 Weeks of growing you.

I’m tired. Tired of explaining why things are so hard. Tired of feeling stuck on a loop. Tired of the unknown. Tired of my body failing us. Tired of pain. I’m just so fucking tired. I’m irritable, I’m fed up of people saying stupid shit to me, shit they don’t of course even know, isContinue reading “31 Weeks of growing you.”

To my friends (and family) who don’t have fibromyalgia.

Hey, Thanks for being you, for listening, watching, reading and learning about my condition whilst riding this wave with me. I know it’s been years now. I know it ‘gets old’ boring even, to hear me talk about it ALL. THE. TIME. Part of me is sorry, though I’m not sure I’ll ever stop, becauseContinue reading “To my friends (and family) who don’t have fibromyalgia.”

29 Weeks of growing you

Every time I change position now I am reminded that I cannot move. Every time I am left alone with your sister I am frightened, because I don’t feel like I can care for her properly anymore. It’s scary, it’s upsetting and I wonder how I will ever care for you. The loss of powerContinue reading “29 Weeks of growing you”

Third trimester

You made it. You’re on the homestretch now. Is the baby ok…..? When I was pregnant with my daughter I had chronic migraine from the minute I found out I was expecting. I was diagnosed with SPD at 16 weeks unable to walk and that was extremely painful. I soon became very depressed and riddenContinue reading “Third trimester”

Call for NICE to play nice with chronic pain sufferers!

For full transparency here is the article NICE published in relation to using alternative methods to treat chronic primary pain that has no known cause. NICE recommends For the most part this starts well, offering people a range of alternative treatments in place of a prescription doesn’t sound so bad does it? The issues hereContinue reading “Call for NICE to play nice with chronic pain sufferers!”

27 weeks of growing you.

It’s been a long one, one full of apprehension, appointments, medication, embarrassment, but smiles too. Last week I had a recurring shingles infection outbreak, it meant I had to go back on antiviral medication and it was painful. During this time we had to see a midwife for a routine appointment and because I canContinue reading “27 weeks of growing you.”