I’ve been on antidepressants on and off since I was 14 years old. More on than off. Over half of my life. I’m not depressed, not anymore, I haven’t been for some time now, but I do GET depressed when in pain, and I also have varying forms of anxiety. When I say varying, it can go from mild to unbearable in seconds, if you have anxiety, you’ll know where I’m coming from. I am insecure and often struck with self loathing and paranoia.
So, I’ve always taken antidepressants to kind of keep me on a level. They do work, and if they aren’t working for you, you might need a different type or dose adjustment.
I’ve never felt shame in taking them even before it was ‘cool’ to talk about your mental health. (I mean that in the best possible way, being that I think it is cool we talk about it)
Diabetics don’t feel shame at taking insulin and therefore depressives shouldn’t feel shame in taking antidepressants.
Today I am 14 days free of Duloxetine (Cymbalta).
I’ve been on it for 2 years 8 months for fibromyalgia pain and low mood. I still have both of those, so why you ask, am I ceasing treatment? Well the main reason is because, Ciara was born withdrawing from antidepressants that I was told by my healthcare professionals, were safe to take during pregnancy. They weren’t safe for us though, and she fought for her life for the first 6 days following her birth. So before I contemplate having another child I want to be drug free.
I take a variety of other drugs too for my condition, and therefore this is just one pill in a long line of pills, that I am planning to quit.
The withdrawal has been hard, I’m not going to pretend otherwise. The brain zaps are something else, like electric shocks through the temples and the emotions have been flooding out of me like someone pulled the plug on a whale tank. I’ve cried, laughed, snapped, it’s been the proverbial whirlwind alright. Even more reason I refuse to subject another baby to these symptoms. I live with a lot of guilt about the start Ciara had, and even though I know I absolutely needed those drugs at the time, I still don’t think if I knew of the consequences I would of continued to take them. They potentially saved my life whilst almost costing me my daughter’s. So you can see why I’m conflicted?
I’m using CBD oil now and whilst I’ve used that before, I’ve never used it to combat withdrawal, it’s probably a bit early to say whether or not it’s helping, as like I said, the withdrawal definitely has been noticeable.
Anyway, the reason I’m telling you this isn’t so you go and throw away your pills, it’s so you don’t feel ashamed when making decisions about treatment.
I would go back on them tomorrow if I felt suicidal again or my functionality was off because of my mood. I’m not precious about taking drugs and if something works for you I think it’s important you feel comfortable with whatever treatment you decide upon. Depression can be, a life long condition, it’s also often a life threatening one when left untreated. It’s so important to remember you’re not the minority! So many people take antidepressants these days, they aren’t as invasive as they were years ago. Even the ones I took when I was 14 were a whole lot more zombifying than the ones I take now. Most people function well with treatment. My excuses are quite lazy, I need to do some more natural boosting of the endorphins in order to combat the repercussions of coming off my meds.
It’s not a case of flick a switch and everything’s fine, and it would be naive of me to expect it to be. I do however want to share the journey of transitioning from pills to plants and homeopathic therapies. Mainly because I want to review whether it actually works and if there are other ways for me to combat pain and depression aside from prescription drugs.
Today I drank celery juice for the first time and you can find me gagging on Instagram. It was vile, but I’m told these things aren’t instant, so I may need to try it for a while longer to feel the benefit! I’ll be buying a nose peg and hoping for the best.
Feel free to share your tips of what works for you. So many people say exercise and I’ve always got an excuse as to why I can’t do it. 2019 needs to be a year of less excuses because, time doesn’t wait and the clocks are ticking.