My Toddler Hates Me

Is it normal for your two year old to pull away from you? Is it just another phase?

These are questions I’ve been asking myself since the Christmas break began. I think I already know the answer, it being that, there’s been a disturbance to her routine, she’s been spoiled and is pushing boundaries, but that doesn’t make me question myself any less.

I’m still constantly wondering if it’s something I’m doing wrong? Does she just prefer other people to me? Why won’t she listen? Where’s the logic in her dropping something, then throwing herself on the floor in tantrum, instead of just picking it up? Why does she refuse to give me a kiss goodnight? She only seems to want daddy to put her to bed these days.

Every time we’ve taken her anywhere nice these last few weeks, to see Santa, Longleat to the festival of light, she’s acted like a brat. Refusing to walk, put her coat on, you know, the usual insanely annoying things kids do. 6 months ago, she couldn’t talk so I understood her tantrums were because of the lack of understanding from us. Now though she is quite able to tell us when she doesn’t like something. I’ve found myself in tears of sadness and complete frustration over the last week or so! I’ve been angry and upset all at once. Someone said to me once, I think it was my sister in law, that kids can push your buttons like nobody else on Earth. I wondered at the time how you can allow yourself to get so worked up over a child, now I see. Now I see in all it’s glory, how fucking excruciating being a parent can be. How clueless you are left daily, how the guilt eats you from the inside out and you never truly trust your own instincts. Even when you know you’re doing the right thing, a seed of doubt still appears and sows itself into your psyche.

I couldn’t love my daughter anymore if I tried. She is my everything and rarely at the age of two does she understand the need to reciprocate my love. I know she isn’t intentionally setting out to stress me out, she’s two for god’s sake, but it irks nonetheless.

My reason behind this post was to let other mums know it’s ok to love your kids fiercely with every ounce of your being, and it’s also ok to think they are little knobheads every now and again. It’s ok to flip the bird when they aren’t looking, or roll your eyes, or text your bestie to say you’re throwing them out the window! (FYI- this is only ok if you have no actual intention of doing so)

What I’m saying is, you’re going to feel guilty pretty much for the rest of your life now, I’m told that’s 50% of what being a mum is! So allow yourself a meltdown. You’re still a good mum. Your kid might not like you today, but she also didn’t like fish fingers last week, but they are her favourite again this week!! Kids are fickle. It’s down to us as parents to second guess their every move and accept them, flaws and all. And as they grow they too accept us with our own flaws.

My toddler doesn’t hate me, I’m just not her favourite this week, and that’s ok. Because I’m her mother first. ❤️