About me

Thanks for stopping by to read my blog. I guess I should share a bit about myself and why I decided to write a blog in the first place.

I’m 30 years old. I have a daughter who’s 2 and 1/2 and a partner who’s 35. We live in Bristol, after having lived in the beautiful City of Bath our whole lives we decided to move to Bristol when the opportunity for a home swap came up, earlier this year.

Before I had my daughter in 2016 I endured a long, painful and dark pregnancy that I was sure was going to kill me after causing me a nervous breakdown. And when I was told at 37 weeks I had preeclampsia, it nearly did.

I hated being pregnant, detested it. The shame I felt over not being ‘grateful’ for this ‘gift’ really damaged my mental health. I was immobile due to SPD (Symphis, pubic, dis function) I had to give up the things I enjoyed, like smoking and drinking and I hated it. I felt constantly sick and was often incapacitated with migraines. From 16 weeks I was on crutches and the depression continued.

When my beautiful baby girl was born, I was sure that would be the end of the stress, I was not only naive but stupid too. Of course the stress vamped up and colic started.

For 12 hours a day every day my kid screamed. She screamed so loudly our neighbours had to come and check she was ok, more than once. My partner and I almost killed each other, I couldn’t wait for time away from her, of course prompting more guilt.

Then something amazing happened, she turned 6 months old, she started sleeping, napping twice a day and laughing. And that laugh, that tiny little cackle of a laugh is what saved me. What saved our family.

Our little darling still has tantrums, screams, hits, throws herself on the floor, you know, the usual. But it doesn’t matter, because nothing, nothing, is as bad as the colic was.

Since having our daughter our family bond has cemented. We are a family of three and we’re thriving in love and Paw Patrol.

Her eating habits are shit, she never shuts up and she often has a meltdown if you give her the wrong coloured cup, but she’s the best thing that ever happened to me. Cliché but so fucking true.

I’ve always loved to write, it’s served as an outlet for me throughout my life. In my teen years it was dark poetry and gritty half novels, and in my adult years it’s been my thoughts, life events and opinions.

My dream is to one day be able to say I’m a writer in response to somebody asking me what I do.

After our daughter was born I got diagnosed with fibromyalgia a neuropathic pain condition that affects our neurotransmitters and how our brain perceives pain.

Some days I am unable to get out of my bed, carry my child, cook a meal, some days I can’t even take a shower, but still I fight. The fight is long, and I often feel like giving up, but instead I write. I write everything down, from the good to the ugly. I use Instagram and Facebook to spread awareness of causes close to my heart.

And that’s about it really, I don’t smoke anymore but I am a professional vapour. I’ve replaced wild nights out with copious amounts of tea drinking and I love, love, love, to read.

On that note, I hope you enjoy reading my blog.

Steph

Xxx

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